| Part 1 | Part 2 |
Kelly broke up with Adam because she thought he was unfaithful.
Al invited the guest over so that they could "talk things out".
Julie fell in love with the fire-fighter.
Yana was abducted by aliens.
Ben went on the date of his life.
But it turns out it was with Judy Jo, and she's working for Lord Xenu.
"She WHAT!?" screamed Ben.
"Yes. Joanna's actually an alien named Judy Jo," replied Daniel. "Wasn't there anything weird about the date?"
"Well," replied Ben, "she did have a forked-tongue and didn't blink at all. That was just a little weird now that I think about it."
"Yeah," said Daniel. "Just a little."
"But don't you read milk cartons?" asked Daniel. "I mean, her face is everywhere."
"Are you kidding!" said Ben. "With this flawless complexion, I can't have dairy!"
"Well, she doesn't know we know," said Daniel. "So when you see her, just act cool."
"Ugh, you think it would be easy to find some nice drapes somewhere in this planet of moderate climate," exclaimed Lord Xenu.
"This Dell is a piece of shit. Is this the best I could do?"
"Ughh. What's that girl doing to that horse??" said Lord Xenu.
"*Ahem*" said Judy Jo. "You called?"
"Oh yes yes," said Lord Xenu.
"For your next mission," he said, "you must find Christians who are so out there that they make Scientology look like a good alternative."
"No, seriously," he stressed. "I need wack-job Christians."
"I know just who you're looking for!" said Judy Jo.
"This is Siri," she said. "I met him when he was showing some "miraculous" X-rays to a bunch of pigeons in the park."
"This is Jarad Christian," she said. "I found him on the subway telling people how he used to be in a gang, and killed people. But now that he found Jesus, so it's all taken care of!"
"Oh MAN!" said Lord Xenu. "You've really outdone yourself, Judy."
"From now on," he said, " this will be your eternal skin. And you three shall be known as 'The Three.'"
"So we're like the Trinity??" asked Siri.
"Ugh, don't be ridiculous," said Lord Xenu.
"I may have been made up by a science fiction writer. But even I think that saying that 'three different people are one' is just complete and utter bullshit."
"I mean, even I draw the line somewhere."
"Okay," said Daniel. "Go talk to Kelly. The goal is NOT to rush things."
"Oh," said Rich. "So I just shouldn't take off my clothes all at once? Hum."
"Hey, Kelly," said Daniel. "I heard Rich is looking for you. I think he said he has a surprise."
"Surprise?" said Kelly. "I love surprises."
"Hey Richard," she said. "I heard you wanted to talk to me."
SWEET TALK SWEET TALK SWEET TALK SWEET TALK
"Oh Richard. I'm glad I got to know you better. I especially like how you refer to my boobs as 'b00bz.'"
"Hum," said Adam. "I wonder why Daniel asked me to come into this room that I've never been into."
"OH MY GOD!"
"I just can't watch... I ... Oh..."
"I can't believe what I've just seen. Kelly.... and Richard?? oh....I just feel like....."
"Oh crap," he said. "Not again!"
"Oh no!" said Julie. "I guess I'm going to have to call the firefighter that came in the other day!"
"It's alright, Julia," he said.'
"Oh, it's Juli... never mind. Thank you."
"Oh and the way you handled the fire was just so manly and rough"
"It's nothing really," he said. "I really do love the fire. A lot."
"Yes," he added. "A lot."
"So, he likes to play with fire," said the obviously desperate Julie.
"OHHH YEAH OOHHH YEAHHHH!!!!" exclaimed Rich.
"Is he ever going to shut the fuck UP"? said Adam.
"I need to forget about Kelly," said Adam. "Some rebound action looks good by now."
"Hey! What's up!??"
"So Ginger, I've been thinking about you a lot lately," he said. "And I really think that you look familiar for some reason."
"Well," Ginger said. "The answer to that just happens to be here in my hand."
"I used to be very famous and very rich," Ginger said. "But one day fame and the STDs just got to me. I divorced my husband and ran away."
"You used to be a Spice (Rack) Gal!" Adam said. "I used to have all of your albums."
"Well, the secret's out," Ginger said. "Just don't tell anyone."
"I just know Daniel's behind all this Kelly-Rich thing," said Adam.
"I wonder if Rich is still... oh god, there's Rich."
"Okaaay," said Adam. "Let me look up more info on Ginger."
"According to Wikipedia, Ginger has been missing for a few years after Spice (Rack) Gals broke up."
"Excellent! She also left her husband. Good enough for me!"
"Hey guys," said Al. "Have you noticed that Yana's been really strange since she's been abducted?"
"Yes!" said Ben. "We were just playing a few minutes ago."
"And then out of nowhere she got really angry at me," added Ben.
"And she started crying."
"Something about how she feels unloved and ignored," he said. "I don't remember the rest."
"Yeah," said Julie. "I think I heard her throwing up or something."
"Yeah," said Kelly. "She's been complaining about headaches and morning sickness."
"I heard her complaining about her boobs," said Adam. "They look fine to me!"
"She's had this strange craving for lobster too," added Rich.
"I saw her talking to Ginger," added Al.
"You call this clean?? My tongue could do a better job at cleaning," screamed Yana.
"Now that you mention it," said Daniel, "her boobs did seem unusually bigger."
"Ohh, look at me! I'm Richard! I think I'm so great. I steal people's girlfriends."
"Ohhh, look at me, Ben. I'm Daniel. My face looks like a big fat cup!"
"Ohh, look at me. I'm Kelly. I'm just a big poo poo face."
"What did you say about my face?" she asked.
"Oh no," said Adam. "I just replaced you with a girl with a lot more SPICE than you."
"Oh no you don't," she said.
"Let me just suddenly take off my top so I can fight you, JERK!"
"You guys," said Yana. "I have to tell you something."
"I'm with child," she said.
"But how?" asked Julie. "I mean, are you really going to have this ... alien baby?"
"Yes, of course," Yana said.
"I was told that I should receive a sign."
"Oh wow," said Kelly. "A mysterious birth with ambiguous prophecies. Where have I heard that before??"
"So you said the guest you fought with is coming over to talk things out?" asked Daniel.
"Yeah," said Al. "He said that there are no hard feelings, or something."
"Ugh, seriously," said Lord Xenu. "I have been 'holding' for the past hour."
"MY PROBLEM?? I specifically asked for Yellow Sunflower drapes. Instead, I got these Phlegm Yellow rags."
"What?? No, I don't want my money back. I just want my drapes!!"
"No, fuck you. I have someone on the other line."
"Hello? Why of course I'll come over."
"No Al. There are no hard feelings."
"Mirror mirror on the wall..."
"Who's the evilest of them all??"
"No one suspected that the new guy was actually Xenu! And now my vendetta with Al will not go unnoticed."
To be continued...